Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life.


So last night my wallet got stolen. Right out my bag. Granted, yes, I left my bag out but you know what? Venues need to maybe do their job and not let random people in the green room to do drugs… Unless they’re with the band in which case, they can knock themselves out with whatever substances they want because it’s the GREEN ROOM which is where bands can do whatever they damn well please.

That means, in the past week, the following events have happened – I got stood up my dad’s wedding, thus forcing me to evaluate some very dear friendships and professional relationships and resulting in the “five days straight of crying hysterically 2011”; I cut off  a sizable chunk of my right thumb; my omelet turned into a traumelet with the addition of two tiny, partially formed beaks; baked goods, likewise, turned terrifying in another egg-tastrophe with some unwanted blood clots; I’ve gotten an alarmingly little amount of sleep this week, what with waking up god-awful early, and this resulted in liquor becoming my enemy last night when I damn near fell asleep at Coney Island; and my wallet got snagged!

But instead of moping about any of the above things (In particularly, um, whatever son of a bitch stole my grocery money), I am going to make a list of ways I can turn the gigantic lemon that has been the past week of my life into a huge pitcher of lemonade.

– What was the first thing I was going to do with my money today? Buy a pack of cigarettes! It’s been one of my top “Better Version of Amber” goals since moving to quit. Aside from the chain smoking I did at my dad’s wedding last weekend, I’ve barely been smoking at all and when I have been, it’s resulted in an unpleasant light headedness that I’d rather do without. So, as I’ve been robbed of the funds to feed my unwanted habit, now is as good a time as any!

–  I’m broke. But you know what this doesn’t affect? Rent! Working in exchange for sweet digs in Ann Arbor was the best decision I could have made.

– Additionally, I’ve been eating kind of like a pig (Read: Regular person) since moving but given the fact that I eat all vegetarian and organic now, as well as take long walks regularly to go downtown and to pick the kids I nanny for up from school, I somehow have managed to lose a significant amount of weight. I don’t own a scale because, after twelve-ish years of bulimia, I’ve decided I don’t want to know how much I weigh anymore because I don’t care, but given the fact that I’m wearing a dress today that was uncomfortably tight over the summer and it’s loose today, I’d say I’m bordering on at least ten pounds. Without even trying! That’s sweet!

– In other stupid vain news, I’m cute as a button. And that’s something to smile about for sure.

– People, in general, tend to not suck. Sometimes people do shitty things like, you know, snag someone’s wallet, but you know what happened when I told the bartenders about that shit? Free drinks! So many free drinks!

– Also, yes, perhaps those last couple free drinks were not the best of ideas considering how hard they hit me, my friends are awesome enough to take pretty damn good care of me when I’m, you know, barely able to stand.

– For real though. My friends are the best friends a girl could ever ask for. Although I do think that I understand why Ted on How I Met Your Mother has had such a hard time meeting a steady girlfriend for the past six years: It’s hard for him to find someone he likes spending time around more than his awesome pals.


3 Responses to “Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life.”

  1. Me @ 27 Says:

    Rent for labor? That’s a sweet deal if ever I saw one!

    And I should know – I’m a sugar merchant.

  2. […] when you’re down quite literally – After a series of awful events, I surmised “Well, at least it can’t get much worse…” only to be confronted with the death of my dad, which is a lot like living in a world where […]

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